Undisclosed Thoughts

Stress is not my cup of tea; Lindsay I love you!

I think that I am creating more stress than I neccessarily have.  I am so stressed about school and money! I just want my money to be fucking right! Why is it so hard to save money in college?  I have decided to stop shopping completely.  I just want a dress for Love’s Alumni Graduation Party and these shoes from Alloy.  I’m going to really budget my money right because I am sick of living poorly!  My checking account right now is look mighty empty; however, I did put some cash in my savings.  Oh also I found out that I will not be a participant in the economic stilmulus plan because my parents are claiming me! WTF?!  I paid taxes last year and yes my parents give me support but not that much support!  My parents have other obligations like a house, bills, loans, oh big one here TWO FUCKING YOUNG CHILDREN!  The gov just doesn’t get it that I will not see the money from my parents in one lump sum. I will get $50 here $20 there but not the $300 I need!  Also I am in college, I will definitely stimulate the damn ecomony!  I have bedroom furniture to be looking into! 

Oh that’s another thing I have to spend money on.  A fucking apartment!  Dude I am like this close to losing it.  I know I should think about staying in this apartment for another year, but the rent is getting to high for no extra added amenitites.  Plus since the horrible murder of White Bul, they have gotten extra strict with security which is cool but like it’s like stupid strict.  If they would have been like this in the beginning then this young man’s life would not have been taken (even though..idk).  Why is everything so damn stressful and expensive?  Since I don’t come from well off parents, I get extra stressed because I *hate* asking for money! 

 But wait it gets better! My fuckin 13 month old TV is broken! It’s a Polaroid. They will forever be crap products to me like Fuji Film.  I will aways discourage anyone from buying either of these products because they both suck asssssssssssss!  My LCD TV screen went white.  I still have sound, but no picture.  So I had to get a brand new TV which I did not have the money for! I swear everybody wants my money!  I know I don’t need a TV, but I just want some type of entertainment.  Maybe I should do without?  I’m thinking about returning it.  I just feel that all that is unneccessary maybe.  IDK! Please help. 

I’m on mission to simplify my life.  I’m trying to be more natural (while not giving up my weave, acrylic nails, and makeup!) with everything.  I have been looking at ways to improve my skin and hair and I have never thought of using natural oils and such.  I’m def on the path of trying to put those things into my routine. My skin is doing ok, but I still get blackheads and whiteheads all the time.  My skin is also kinda dry/oily.  I having been using cetaphil to balance it out.  It’s been about two weeks and my skin is kind of dryer.  I don’t know if it’s from the wash or the change of weather.  I’m going to give it another week to see.  I no it’s an oxymoron to say that I’m going to start leaving all chemicals behind except those few things that make me a superficial slut.  I just can’t let go of my weave, nails, makeup and relaxers.  I need my weave because I never have to do my real hair!  I hate straightening my hair everyday.  I just want to relax on that shit for a while.  also relaxers are a must! I’m not one of those afrobellas.  Sorry my kinks and I do not get along.  I get fustrated and want to chop all my hair off even though nothing is wrong with it. I was natural for 5 years and I was able to maintain that because I was in Chicago where people know how to do hair!  Here in DC these hoes barely know what a blowout and style is.  They want to put sooo much grease and product in your hair, it makes me sick.  Or they want to cut off all your hair because they think that is best for you even though your hair is fucking healthy as shit (can you tell I had a bad experience?).  I could be natural and curly, but honestly I don’t like that look on me.  I like straight hair because it looks more polished for business purposes.  I do the natural curly look when I’m on vacay or for weekend fun.  Now my nail will never change.  I love my (very short) acrylic nails.  With acrylic my nails hold color longer and I can do cute designs when I’m being fun.  I tried for a month to stick with my real nails and I was breaking my nail left and right.  And ugh they looked so unattractive. 

Make-up is my new obsession. I love wearing it.  I love not wearing it too!  I can def leave the house without makeup, but I love the look.  I feel like when I wear makeup I look rested! Without it I always look sleepy and sick, but some days I don’t care shoot!  I have also decided to stop spending money on makeup, specifically MAC.  These mofos come out with a new attractive line every week.  I swear I thought I was going to lose my mind with the new Beauty Powder Blushes and Heatherette for MAC line. I reccommend my ladies of colour to def check out those blushes because they all look good on our skin (def with a hint of a tan!). 

I think I do need to trim down on those things because I know I spend a lot of money alone on appearances.  I’m trying to “stretch” out the length of time for my relaxers so that I won’t overlap, so I know that will save me some cash.  I’m also cutting down on getting my nails done every two weeks to every 3-4.  My nails don’t really grow that long; I just get fustrated or tired of my current nail color (which btw is always some bright shade of pink-favorite color). My weave I have underlock.  I don’t spend too much on it, maybe 45-60 a month (which is not bad).

Agh longest post ever! I’m sorry! I just want to talk about one more thing!

Lindsay Lohan.  I love her.  She is beautiful.  She is my number 1 (well Rihanna might take her place soon because I am quickly becoming obsessed with her since we both share the same style.). Lindsay never seems to disappoint me.  I thought ok she’s becoming so boring with all this rehab and no drinking and drugging.  But look at the picture above.  She is clearly drunk out of her mind! Shit she’s 21! I look like this on any given Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night! So fuck you people who think she is going down a troubling path.  She is just doing what all us regular 21 and uppers do (even though she started before that as did all of us!).  I love you Lindsay-red, brunette, blonde, I love you.  Viva la white girl (well VIVA LA LOHAN!)!