Undisclosed Thoughts

I hate holidays.  I am not religious so a lot of the holiday madness just doesn’t do much for me. But the real reason why I hate holidays because it reminds me of how lonely I am.  I don’t have anyone calling my phone wishing me a marry xmas, thanksgiving, or easter.  No one is invting me to church or dinner with their family. It is just me by myself watching as everyone around surrounds themselves with friends, family and/or significant others.  I spent this past thanksgiving in my apartment watching football by myself and eating some rice dish.  I was sad to say the least.   I was talking to someone who was in DC but they made it clear that they didn’t want to spend anytime with me outside of the bedroom (wow suprise suprise).  My family doesn’t really do holidays.  They might cook or something but it’s no big deal.

Today I am in a Debbie Downer mood.  I’m failing a class and I am stressed about graduation.  I don’t have a job lined up so I don’t know what the hell I am about to do with my life.  I am sick to death of everyone around me. I can’t lose weight. My face looks like shit. Basically I feel like poo. And I don’t know if it’s the birth control or what but I am just a mess.

My mom keeps asking why I can’t get a boyfriend. I told her because no one wants to spend more than ten minutes with me.  She just doesn’t understand why I can’tfind someone to be with.  I told her to please lay off.  This is now as bad as the weight thing. Not only do I have to lose weight, I have to now find someone.  The fact that I don’t evn know how to begin being in a relationship or being found (cuz u know u can’t go out looking) by a man is one of the main reasons I don’t have anyone.  Yeah sure I know how to go find someone to screw cuz sluts are easy to find. But relationship material does not swing my way at all.  The last person I saw myself in a relationship with didn’t like me as he repeatedly let me know. Why did I want to be with him? Idk. We had fun together and vibed well, I just wasn’t a girl he would want to be seen with.  He later showed me the type of girl he could be seen with.

Anywho this all depressing. TTYL